My grandpa passed away on Wednesday, July 9, 2008. He had been on his deathbed for nearly a week, so family was able to visit him at the hospital as they could. I was here in Chicago, enjoying a visit from two of my sisters, Hannah and Diana. The three of us were together when we heard the news of grandpa's death.Now my sisters have gone back to California, and Scotty, Micah and I will be flying in on Friday night to attend grandpa's funeral service over the weekend. It is slightly odd to be here in Chicago, going about my daily duties and responsibilities, not fully experiencing what my family is going through back home - relatives from out of town, funeral arrangements, details and programming, talking, laughing, crying, going about their daily duties. I will just be one of those "out of town relatives" coming in for the funeral on Sunday, yet he had been my only surviving grandpa left...
On occasion, I am reminded of grandpa's life and death, and am able to get a sense of what is going on back at home - through a song, my sister Rachel's blog, a phone call, a memory... Last night, a song began to play on iTunes, as Scott and I were doing work on the computer. Scott said something like, "Does this remind you of grandpa's life?" I've heard the song a dozen times before, always thinking it was tragic yet beautiful at the end. This time through, I intently listened to every word. Though it doesn't all accurately depict grandpa's life, I noticed a lot of similarities.
Here's the song on YouTube (with just a screen shot of their album cover while the song plays), as well as the lyrics below
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=535KzUZsefA
Deathbed, by Relient K
I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home
The year was nineteen forty one
I was eight years old and
Far far too young
To know that the stories
Of battles and glory
Was a tale a kind mother
Made up for her son
You see
Dad was a traveling preacher
Teaching the words of the Teacher
My mother left mourning
Went off to the war
And died there with honor
Somewhere on a beach there
But he left once to never return
Which taught me that I should unlearn
Whatever I thought a father should be
I abandoned that thought
Like he abandoned me
By forty seven I was fourteen
I'd acquired a taste for liquor and nicotine
I smoked until I threw up
Yet I still lit 'em up for thirty more years
Like a machine
So right there you have it
That one filthy habit
Is what got me where I am today
I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things
I'd do again
But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home
I got married on my twenty first
Eight months before my wife would give birth
It's easier to be sure you love someone
When her father inquires with the barrel of a gun
The union was far from harmonious
No two people could have been more alone than us
The years would go by and she'd love someone else
And I realized I hadn't been loved yet myself
And there's your typical spiel
Yeah if life was a highway
I was drunk at the wheel
I was seeing the loose ends
All fall apart
Yeah I swear I was destined to fail
And fail from the start
I bowled about six times a week
The bottle of Beam kept the memories from me
The marriage had taken a seven-ten split
Along with my pride the ex-wife took the kids
I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear those sad memories
Still haunting me
So many things
I'd do again
But this is my deathbed
I lie here alone
If I close my eyes tonight
I know I'll be home
I was so scared of Jesus
But He sought me out
Like the cancer in my lungs
That's killing me now
And I've given up hope
On the days I have left
But I cling to the hope
Of my life in the next
Then Jesus showed up
Said "Before we go"
"I thought that we might reminisce"
"See one night in your life"
"When you turned out the light"
"You asked for and prayed for my forgiveness"
You cried wolf
The tears they soaked your fur
The blood dripped from your fangs
You said, "What have I done?"
You loved that lamb
With every sinful bone
And there you wept alone
Your heart was so contrite
You said, "Jesus, please forgive me of my crimes
Sanctify this withered heart of mine
Stay with me until my life is through
And on that day please take me home with you"
I can smell the death on the sheets
Covering me
I can't believe this is the end
I can hear You whisper to me,
"It's time to leave
You'll never be lonely again"
But this was my deathbed
I died there alone
When I closed my eyes tonight
You carried me home
[Jon Foreman of Switchfoot sings, as the voice of Jesus:]
I am the Way
Follow Me
And take My hand
And I am the Truth
Embrace Me and you'll understand
And I am the Light
And for Me you'll live again
For I am Love
I am Love
I, I am Love
